Ms Drama Queen

Ms. Drama Queen

Once again, I haven’t written in my blog in a long time.  During the last IVF cycle, I wrote almost every few days or so.  I’ve gotten lazy.  Or maybe the constant holidays have torn me away from it.  I am not sure.  Writing is work!  I do love to write, once I am in the habit.  In my lifetime, it’s been one of the only things I can say that I am somewhat good at – I’m not a good cook (that’s my husband’s job), I’m not a great housekeeper (is that such a sin?), and I am not the most outgoing person in the world.  I have been down on myself lately, especially since I feel like I ‘should’ have figured out my life by now.  It’s a very silly and wasteful emotion to have, but very seductive.  It’s easy to get into a spiral of ‘I’m no good – I don’t have a career, I haven’t contributed much to society, blah blah  blah’…So to redeem myself, last night when I was trying very hard to fall asleep, I thought about all the things I should be thankful for.  I had been reading a book about a woman who had childhood cancer, and had to have half of her jaw removed.  She was teased and ostracized by other children and had horrible surgeries and chemotherapies.  It made me realize that I am LUCKY, and that I don’t have much to complain about, even though so often, I am so dissatisfied with life.  I try to tell myself that am really blessed, because I can walk, breathe without assistance, have a normal digestive system, I can see, I can hear, I can use my hands, I have a job, I don’t have creditors after me, and have a lovely bunch of friends and family that I adore.  I have a husband who loves me and I love him.  We don’t fight.  We are friends.  I know that there are many who do not have that.  Hashem has blessed me.  I just need to have a permanent sticky note pressed on my forehead to remind me!