I haven't yet figured out how to doll this blog up. I wish I knew how to put those fancy graphics and make it look 'mine'. I dont' have the patience at the moment to do so. Oh well, I have much more pressing things to think about.
I am starting to feel more a peace with my fertility clinic. At first I was really kicking and screaming about this. Getting to this point has been a real struggle (read: emotional roller coaster ride from hell). For the past 10 years or so, I have swayed towards alternative medicine. If anyone has a clue about fertility treatment, it is ANYTHING but a natural treatment. First they stop your reproductive system and then they re-start it (by turbo charging to it!) so they can control it. I think the thing I had most issue with is that THEY are controlling me, my body. It scared the hell out of me. But only recently, I realized that the treatment is only temporary, and that to get to my goal (having children, yes there is a goal to all this mishegas) it's worth it for me!! I had a LOT of help in feeling positive about this (including from family members, strangers online on message boards, relaxation tapes, my Chinese medicine doctor, my dear husband, and probably, G-d and perhaps the souls of family members who have passed on!). If anyone out there is contemplating IVF, I can totally appreciate that it is a very scary process, and that it's so important to get as much info from people who have been through this before. The organization RESOLVE and the Jewish orthodox organization ATIME have been absolutely invaluable to me. In fact, if it weren't for ATIME, I am sure I would not have tried IVF.
Only recently did I really appreciate that these people at the clinic, that although we are giving them a ton of money, that they are helping us to achieve a miracle. It is truly a miracle that a human life comes from a single tiny little embryo. It's no easy task. Right now, it feels like so many things are on our side to help us along this scary but potentially very exciting journey. I am cautiously optimistic.
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