I never thought I would say this, but I miss getting those fertility drug injections every day. It was something that brought my husband & I hope. We were doing something about our situation. It even bonded us. Every day and night, my husband would give me a subcutaneous & later on, intramuscular injections. Right now our plans are on hold. I don’t know what the future holds. I keep fooling myself that maybe there will be a miracle. Maybe things will happen naturally and we won’t have to go through another cycle of IVF (even though it can be addicting, strangely enough). Now I feel like we have to work hard again at being a married couple. It was easy to coast a bit during the IVF process – I was quite hormonally challenged and squeamish from the drugs, and I happily let my husband go into ‘over protective’ mode over me. He cared and gave so much to me – I don’t know what I gave to him.
I’ve just been so tired lately. I haven’t slept well in a long time. I can’t use drugs as an excuse, since I’m not on any. I just am tired of the void.
Oh well. Mah la’asot? I just have to fill my life up with other things until then. Besides chocolate.
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