Monday, January 02, 2006

Happy New Jeer!

It's always strange for me to wish others a Happy New Year on Jan 1st, especially to other Jews. It feels a little treif to me, like wishing them a Happy Easter. I am definately not one of those who only abides by the hebrew year calendar (currently 5766...a 3760 year discrepancy from the Christian year of 2006). However, I would become a card-carrying member in heartbeat if it would be to my advantage. Just imagine, writing personal checks with the hebrew year....none of my checks would ever get deposited (theoretically). Yes, mock me, but it's not a bad thought :)

Speaking of New Year's Resolutions, I am on Day #2 of NO CHOCOLATE. I am denying myself this legal drug and I hope to G-d that I can stick to it! A few weeks ago, I had the huge urge to make my evil world famous chocolate vanilla chip cookies. We had been getting so many holiday candy & cookie gifts at the office lately that I started to brag to my coworkers of one of my only cooking skills. Years prior, I made batches and batches of those cookies and would give them out as gifts to friends. I stopped making them once I got married - my wonderful husband slowly & thankfully became master of our kitchen and the man does not bake (I gotta blame someone :) Anywho! A few weeks ago, I decided THIS would be the year (2005) I would make those cookies again. For old time's sake. And to become the favorite employee at office doesn't hurt either. So I bought the ingredients, at several different specialty stores. I made sure that they were of the finest quality. I wouldn't want to disappoint! I dutifully put all of the bags of chocolate chips in the pantry and even scheduled a date for myself to have my cooking love-fest.

Soon thereafter, the pantry started talking to me. No, that sounds crazy. It was the silvery shiny bag of pure white sweet chocolate chips that yodeled my name. It didn't take long, but the Liar inside of me was telling me to 'just eat a few' to see how it tastes. I've got to 'test' the ingredients. UNSUPERVISED. I open the bag and drop a few chips in my palm and promptly devour them. It tasted funny. Gotta try a few more. Hmm. They don't taste like I remember. Maybe if I had a few more, it would all come back to me. Oh, these are good. Munch. "You know if you eat just one at a time and savour them, it doesn't count as much. Chocolate's good for you. Antioxidants. It makes you smarter." Who said that? Who cares. There are skinny people out there right now who eat junk food all the time and never gain an ounce. Maybe that will happen to me. I look at the bag - It appears I've eaten nearly 1/2 of the bag. I feel fine. It's high quality after all. I don't get a reaction from the good stuff. I'd usually be in some some hyperglycemic fog by now. I'm fine. I'm fine.....

I return the 1/2 empty bag to the pantry. I feel in control. Nevermind that I have one less complete ingredient to make my creation. Oh well. No one really will care if I make those cookies anyways. They should like me for me, right? The BAG was MINE!!!

I visited the pantry again and again. A handful here, a snarf there. Any excuse to devour the sweet addicting (duh!) morsels. I even brought the bag with me to read the morning paper in the living room. The contents inside the bag depleted faster than you could say 'Jenny Craig'.

I nearly reached rock bottom (of the bag) when I realized that I was out of control. If I expect to have a healthy body, especially after being on all those drugs a month ago, I must stop eating sugar. I must stop eating these chips, even though it doesn't have any artificial ingredients, and even though they taste SO GOOD. They still have the ability to make me a hefty honey. Must stop!!

I took the devil by the horns and closed the bag and tied a rubber band on it to seal in the remaining 20 chips and put the bag into the pantry. This was 3 days ago. I haven't touched it since.

Wish me luck.

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