Last night I drempt that I had twin girls. Maybe I shouldn't be telling anyone my dream, since it might put an ayin hara (evil eye) on it. But at this point I am just filled with sadness. I need to vent. In my dream I remember telling everyone I saw that I had given birth. I saw the look in my husband's face - he looked so happy and proud. In my dream I kept thinking, "I have to email everyone and tell them why I've been absent for so long!". Life made sense...life went according to plan...the way it's SUPPOSED to be....life is good....and then I woke up.
Here we go again. Realty. Reality does bite. I know G-d is telling me to cry out...to ask him for what I want....to be like Rachel in the Torah who cries for her children....well to what end??? Even if I cry more & more, what will it bring me? Perhaps G-d just wants me to be closer to him, but maybe children aren't in the deal. G-d forbid! I want our lives to start as soon as possible!!! I am not only crying for my (future) children, I am waiting for them to arrive! Please come! I am here!
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