Well, I’ve decided to go through with the retrieval, even if we don’t have good odds. It really would be a miracle if it worked. I feel like I’m going insane. I’ve been told by so many that I should try it, that I’d always wonder what could have been if I didn’t do it. I think that’s what we keep trying to tell myself. My gut tells me that it probably won’t work, and I dare not have too much hope. Today, which was Shabbos, I spent all day either sleeping or being alone with my thoughts (never a good idea for a creative minded pessimist). I felt so sad today I wished G-d would just take me – just dissolve me into thin air and get me away from this pain. I sometimes wish that I could become some sort of a Jewish nun, a person who is married to G-d, a person who doesn’t have to deal with such painful things. However, life would be quite rotten if I didn’t have my husband. So I guess I’ll keep on going……
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