Today dear husband & I were in foul spirits. We were pretty down about our situation, with varying degrees of anger, sadness and despair. We can handle it when only ONE of us is in bad mood, but when both of us are angry, sad, whatever, it’s a lot more difficult to pick each other up. In fact, we don’t. I hate those times. We love each other very much, but during such a tremendous crisis such as this, it literally feels as if the world will end. The sun will never shine again. Nothing is funny anymore.
Well after running a bunch of much needed errands, we walked by one of the local Judaica shops. We had been meaning to buy a new havdalah candle (our current one was a pathetic messy stump), and perhaps they would have one for us to purchase. Well we walk in, and the store is more fancy-shmancy than I anticipated. Lots of expensive silver candelabras and kiddish cups. I began to have doubts that they would have a measly $2 havdalah candle. The store owner, a very pleasant Israeli transplant, asks us if she can help us. I felt guilty for saying I wanted to get such a small item, as I walked by the beautiful white Shabbos tablecloths for sale. She located a blue & white braided candle and handed it to me. Guilt guilt guilt. Oh I must look around. It’s the least I can do for walking into her store. I can’t give the impression that I don’t want to give her my business. Suddenly I spy a very large collection of Jewish CD’s. My husband knows what’s coming. It’s very similar to my chocolate addiction and my bookstore addiction...I must have one!! Just a taste. Let’s just listen to a few and let’s see what’s good…
The store owner, knowing that she had caught me, hook, line & sinker, sashayed over to the CD player on top of the display, and selected a few albums for me to listen to. She put in some Mordechai Ben David, and a few other CD’s I had never heard of…wow, something else to obsess about rather than IVF is a good thing! She put in a wonderful CD by Gershon Veroba called Impressions. It’s a compilation of the music of ‘modern’ singers (Celine Dion, Eric Clapton, Green Day, Chicago, Monkees) and using his own very clever & impressive Jewish-themed lyrics. I loved it so much that I wanted to buy several copies for my friends & family….ok, hold your horses, I told myself, impulse buying is not a good idea these lean days. However I told her that I also loved mizrachi music. Big mistake. She showed me the CD of a very hypnotic and beautiful Israeli singer. I am sucker for mizrachi music. I almost can’t resist…I’m adding this up in my head. Must resist!!
We check out and just buy the havdalah candle & the Gershon Veroba CD, blurting out that “we’ll be back again to buy more”. I am sure we are not kidding, but I hope we remember to do so soon.
When we got home, our mood was still a bit tinged with sadness and anger. In about 1/2 hour he would have to give me another injection - could it be for nothing? Are we wasting our time? Why are we going through this? Will we ever have children? Will they be biological? Does it matter? Will we ever be lucky enough to be parents??? As the time to dole out the medication arrived, my husband went to wash his hands & prepare the shot. I took the opportunity to open our new CD and put it in the player in the living room. I turned the volume up. As Gershon Veroba's singing transmitted throughout the room, I cracked a smile. This is good music. This man is talented. Thank G-d it's good. It really makes me proud of being Jewish. I walk over to sit down at the dining room table, where my husband has been giving me my shots twice a day for the past few weeks. The music permeates the room and softens our mood. We smile at each other. I love this man. I love him because he is my best friend and we always get up after we fall down. I am blessed.
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